i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Less talking, more tequila
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
