Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
