my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do vagina's smell?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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