dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
