i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
