Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm getting married
To pizza
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
