Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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