I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
