Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
