every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
