U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize