He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
