OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
