were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
