he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
