I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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