they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
