Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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