I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't put those talents on a resume
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize