My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Drunk is not a location!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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