I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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