Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
