I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
