Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
