careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
is it fun? or sober?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
