i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
