Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
