Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
