I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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