I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
