Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize