i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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