Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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