Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
