had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
