shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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