every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
