fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
