After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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