So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
