I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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