You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
