I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
