Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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