false alarm. still invincible.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
