I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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