one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
