last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
