drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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