I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
