**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
