remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
