is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
