honey bunches of taint.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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