You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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