i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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