your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
