He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
