I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
