I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
