By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
even my farts smell like vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box