there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I look excited, but its just a facade.