3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
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you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad