I will die if light touches me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm