I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."