Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing