maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you didnt know i had herpes?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
