i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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