i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
