I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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