I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
