i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i think i just lost a toe
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
