shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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