mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
