I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
