I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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