My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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