____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
