I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
