evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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