who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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