If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
