btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
