i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
