Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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