covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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