Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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