Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
